Dancing About Architecture, Vol. IX

Tonight’s Episode: The Pastafarians

June 3, 2007, Second Wind, Santee, CA

First off: apologies to the female singers from Blonde Redhead and Enon for equating them. They are, in fact, different people. The shame of my error has tormented me all these long months.

So my friend Jaap plays in this cover band, The Pastafarians. Jaap is, like me, an old postdoc for whom postdoc life had long ago lost any romantic aspirations with which it may have once been imbued. So, like me, he looked outside the Science part of his brain and sought out other amateur musicians in a desperate attempt to water the wilting potted plants decaying in the Artistic hemisphere of his brain. I do not know if, like me, his actual potted plants always die no matter how scrupulously he remembers to water them. I mean, what more do they want from me? I’m so good to them, I give them love, and still, they die. Why?

Sorry – hm - Pastafarians. Jaap plays what he calls “guitar” and what I call “lead guitar” with this ragtag group of bored scientists, venture capitalists and whatnot. As Jaap will soon be moving to France, tonight’s performance was billed as his farewell swan song. I was more than happy to go, for these reasons: 1) he is my pal and that is what you do; 2) I have talked with him about his music but never really heard it, so better late than never; 3) he and Chloe came to hear me play at least once, and if I remember this one time correctly our set was the first up in this sort of variety show that was so painfully awful it is now catalogued in my memory bank under “Utter crap not recognized as such by makers of said crap” (a category so large it requires its own rented storage unit) – and they sat through the whole horrible vicariously embarrassing thing; 4) I expected it would be fun (it was).

The band consisted of a drummer, two female singers, and three guitar/bass players. I say Jaap was on lead because while the others sometimes played along with the lead, they also switched off playing bass, which Jaap did not do. These are the songs they played which I can remember:

“Hit Me with Your Best Shot” by Pat Benatar

“I Fought the Law” by the Bobby Fuller Four, as funneled through The Clash

“You Shook Me All Night Long” by AC/DC

“One” by U2

“Red House” by Jimi Hendrix

“[that one song that probably gets played on adult pop stations a lot]” by Fastball

“Ball and Chain” by Social Distortion

“Beautiful Wreck” by Sean (sp?) Mullins

“Back on the Chain Gang” by The Pretenders

I love going to bars to hear cover bands, because they make me like songs I didn’t think I liked, or at least not so much. These are the songs, for the most part, that we have to hear all the time because the people who infuse our daily soundscape are not very creative, don’t listen to music, and know that the more familiar the song, the more they can sell to us. But when a cover band (NOT to be confused with tribute bands, which also belong in the same category as that variety show) takes on these popular favorites, I sometimes see, hear and feel them in new ways. I like to watch and listen to the lead guitar and drums in particular, because it is largely up to them to recreate for each song its unique tone which we would recognize immediately. This band did a fine job of that, and everything else for me is gravy. For my money, The Clash’s version of “I Fought the Law” is the definitive one, in that rare echelon where the cover is actually better than the original. Jaap got the yanking pulse of that monotone lead guitar line just right, and the drummer hit the double triplet for the “robbin’ people with a six gun” lyric, which always brings a smile to my face. Jaap’s blues scale solos were quite nice, and clearly better than the others’. I loved that they played “Red House” – not exactly a standard even for Hendrix-fawning rawk stations – and I really felt a fresh breath of life in it that everyone seemed to enjoy. Sure, the two lead singers had intonation problems, but that goes along with bar bands like a lime with a Corona. However, I must take umbrage with one of the singers playing the tambourine on her hip on 1 and 3. It’s 2 and 4! It’s called a backbeat, lady! She did a decent Chrissy Hynde, though.

The band was obviously in it to have a good time and they seem to be achieving that. I had to leave after the first set. They may still be playing at this very moment. I hope so. I hope Jaap can find a rock band in Nice. I hope I can someday go to Nice. I hope the Kansas state school board pulls their dinosaur-brained heads out of their asses and recognizes that the world was created by the Flying Spaghetti Monster.